Healing Past Hurt - Our Evolving Language

It is wonderful to find something that simply must be forwarded in its entirety because it is so important to consider in our daily lives. What follows is today's DailyOM online message. DailyOM can be found at www.dailyom.com.

I send this message in honor of my brother David, who has suffered with the stigma of  schizophrenia for decades. Another reason to think twice when tempted to say that someone is "schizophrenic" when they are all over the place and can't make a decision.

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We can create positive change by choosing not to use these words and phrases as we come across them in our vocabulary. 

There are many troubling phrases in our language that we use without considering their full meaning simply because they have been accepted into common knowledge. Even as our ideals progress, our language maintains some phrases from our past that no longer serve us, for example: Boys don't cry; good child; boys will be boys; problem child; illegitimate child; and many more. While these phrases may be used without harmful intent, they are inherently negative. Children can be especially sensitive to such phrases, which may stay with them their whole lives, adversely affecting their self-image and wounding their self-esteem. We can create positive change by choosing not to use these words and phrases as we come across them in our vocabulary.

It is challenging to examine our habits in terms of the words we use to express ourselves, but it is also exciting. Language is an area where we can exercise our free will, creating positive change in the world around us by simply choosing carefully the words we use. It may seem like a small thing, but our words have a rippling effect, like a stone thrown in a pond. People naturally pick up on the way other people speak, consciously or unconsciously changing the way they speak in response. We don't need to actively try to influence people; it happens without our even thinking about it. All we have to do is choose to be more conscious ourselves, putting to rest words and phrases that are outmoded, insensitive, or harmful. We can also exercise our creativity by creating new phrases that carry positive and loving energy to replace the old ones.

You may already have some ideas about phrases you'd like to transition out of your language, and now that you’re thinking about it you may come across many more. As you consciously decide not to use these phrases, you may feel lighter and more joyful, knowing that you have chosen to drop baggage that was handed down to you from a less conscious time. As you do so, you elevate the language for future generations who would no doubt thank you if they could.

© 2004-2011 DailyOM - All Rights Reserved

A Daily Dose of Inspiration

I don’t know about you, but sometimes just getting up and stating my day can be a challenge. I’ll hit the snooze button at least 2-3 times and put the pillow over my head thinking that it just can’t be the morning of another workday!

This is especially true now, in December when the sun doesn’t come up over the horizon until 7am at the earliest. Your body is saying to you, “I am getting up in the middle of the night to go to work. Why?” It turns into a mind over matter exercise, which is often not much of a battle because my mind is still dreaming!

Once I get through breakfast and start my 30-mile drive to work, I’m usually in pretty good shape. My brain goes from dreaming into the process of sorting through what needs to be done that day and prioritizing all of the many categories of tasks I have in front of me. Now, during Christmas week, the categories can stretch from mailing Christmas cards to writing a contract for a new client.

Through it all, I know that I can’t do all of this alone, that’s why I am so grateful in my prayers at night that I have God at the helm keeping everything in order. Still, I have to surround myself with an environment that promotes action during my day. In my office, I have filled half of one wall with motivational quotes from people as wide-ranging as Buddy the Elf to Leonardo da Vinci. I call it my “Wall of Inspiration” and I’ve invited people to come by any time they are feeling a little low in the motivation department.

One of my favorites is an Irish proverb that says, “You’ll never plough a field turning it over in your mind.” Any time I get stuck on something, I’ll look at that quote and convince myself to get the thought out of my head and act on it. Another good one is, “Obstacles cannot bend me. Every obstacle yields to effort.” That’s the one by Leonardo da Vinci. He accomplished a few things in his 67 years on this earth!

If you’re looking for more of these quotes, go to www.givemore.com. There are plenty of them surrounded by other good and practical tips.

No matter what technique you choose to use, I know that it has helped me to surround myself with positive words and images. You create an environment of energy that can support you just by being there. Just by you looking across the room and becoming renewed and inspired. Give it a try and see what happens!   

My Christmas Angel

Today's my youngest son's 18th birthday. It's amazing for me to think that it was 18 years ago that he came home for the first time and took his place as the youngest of three boys.

That was a tough time for me, right from the start. I came down with an intestinal bug when he was in the hospital and couldn't come and visit him until it was just about time to bring him home. I was also in what was the beginning of problems within my marriage that I was hardly even aware of. It was just a general sadness, which over time grew into an issue that couldn't be fixed.

Peter was my pal as soon as I saw him. He was actually due on Christmas day, but he decided that he couldn't wait that long. Still, I called him my Christmas Angel. He was a gift from above for me, and he's been that way ever since.

When Christmas arrives in a couple of weeks, look around the room that morning. Sure, you'll see your gifts under the tree and hanging from the mantle in stockings, but your real gifts are in the smiles of your family and in the loving messages from your friends.

Happy Birthday, Peter. I couldn't have done it without you. -Dad.

The Primal Gift of Music

As Christmas gets closer and closer, you hear lots of joyous music filling the air. Your hear in it malls, on the radio, in church. It makes you feel relaxed and happy, doesn't it? It brings back memories of Christmases when we were young and times were simpler. It even conjures memories of the delicious food that we have eaten at Christmas celebrations. The entrainment effect that music has on all of us is amazing, and we hardly think of it. We just experience it.

That's why I think of music as a primal gift. It has literally been in our bodies and brains since the beginning of time. We beat logs in rhythms to communicate, we chanted and sang stories as part of our oral history before the written word. These stories have been passed down unaltered sometimes for centuries.

You may be thinking how can music be in our bodies and brains? We remember songs that we have stored in our memories sometimes for a long time, that's for sure. But, I am referring to what music is made of - vibration - that has a physical and emotional effect on our thoughts and general well being. For us musicians, it sounds a little crude to think of our precious passtimes as "making vibration", but that's the way our ears receive it. Because music is vibration and vibration is converted to electricity, it literally reaches every cell in our bodies.

Knowing that the music we listen to affects our entire bodies, what an amazing healing tool we have right at our fingertips!

It's well known that classical music opens up our minds. There's has been discussion saying that babies that listen to classical music from when they are born are smarter. That's not exactly true. What is true is that classical music "primes" babies brains for complex tasks, like putting together puzzles and other spatial activities. If one of those activities is learning to play an instrument, that can improve their spatial tasks by up to 30%. 

Conversely, loud rock music has the opposite effect. I'm not saying that children shouldn't listen to rock music. Hey, I grew up in the 60s! It's just that rock music doesn't prime the brain for learning the way that classical music does. An interesting study took two of the same kind of plants and put them two separate aquariums. One had a speaker with classical music, the other had a speaker with rock music. The classically-fed plant grew toward the speaker while the rock-fed plant grew away for the speaker!

At its most fundamental level, we are made of music (vibration). Everything in our world vibrates, even things that we would never expect, like rocks and the earth itself. Eastern teachings say that the earth emits a determined tone - the tone of Ohm. This is why mediation and sound healing often use the sound of Ohm as a core part of the practices. These teachings go on to say that man, as part of the earth, is also tuned to the tone of Ohm, and that Ohm is the basis of everything, eventually evolving from its Sanskrit origins to the Jewish and Christian "so be it" - Amen.

So, this Christmas when you are listening to and singing "Silent Night" and "The First Noel", think about how these beautiful carols make you feel. Feel the peace that is within you and appreciate the gift of music that has been given to us all.

Credits:

• What is Healing Music? Amrita Cottrell
• http://www.om-healing.org/
• http://www.educationoasis.com/
• http://www.splashesfromtheriver.com/

  

Uncomfortable

I'm a pretty big fan of Christian rock. No surprise, right? Anyway, tonight I was listening to Brandon Heath, a top artist on the charts talk about a time when he visited India and had some stomach issues. When he was getting better, but still not feeling great, he said that he wrote some of the best music that he's written.

That really got me to thinking. When have I been the most creative? It's usually when I'm tired, or upset about something. There are times when my thoughts start flowing when I am on top of my game, but I want to say that is in the minority.

It's a pretty odd thing, don't you think? Why would we tend to be more creative when we aren't feeling quite right? Maybe it's because we are more inwardly focused when there's something wrong. We are not as aware of what is going on outside of us and are happier focusing inward in hopes of relieving the pain. And as we help ourselves get through it, we tap into an energy that we didn't think we had.

Now, I'm not hoping that I am uncomfortable any more than necessary. But, when I am, I'll think of it as an opportunity. Kind of crazy the way it works.

We've Got It Covered?

A lot of people think that openly religious Christians are strange, weird or fanatics. I have to say that it is the strangest thing and I think about it a lot. Why would that be?

A recent ABC News poll found that 83% of Americans identify themselves as Christians. But, how many of those people openly proclaim themselves as followers of Christ? If asked the direct question, "do you believe in God?", 83% of Americans say yes. Yet, if asked the question in a different way, like "do you love Christ?", you're going to get a different answer, or no answer at all.

Why does that happen? Why do so many of us not feel comfortable to proclaim our love for our God? What is the difference between saying that you are Christian and proclaiming you are Christian? I think that it is a vast difference. It's a chasm that is filled with our humanness.

When your answer to "do you love Christ?" is followed by a squirm and then, "well, I guess so", what does that mean? It means that we are allowing our pride, our protective image and our cowardice to lay in front of us like a rock that we are hiding behind, or in this case, stepping around.

Think of the apostle Paul. He was a Roman citizen and studied with a member of the Sanhedrin. Yes, the same Sanhedrin that turned Jesus over to Pilate ultimately to be crucified. Yet he directly heard Jesus' call and received His commission to "teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost" (Matthew 28:20).

What did Paul ultimately get from his commitment to God? A death because of his beliefs and acts. Is that what we are afraid of? Is it an ancient fear that we will be persecuted and will suffer these same judgements?

Well, I will tell you what I think. I think that we all need to own up to who we profess to be, in mind, body and spirit. No one will crucify us or have us beheaded like in those early days. We need to be brave in the face of our own fears and proclaim our dedication to our God.

We are at yet another moment in history where the power of God is being questioned and minimized. All because so many of us believe that we don't need faith and religion in our lives because "we've got it covered". That couldn't be less true. Every day as the economy wanes and more people succumb to the numbing effects of joblessness is evidence that we need God more than ever.

Don't think for a moment that we can do all of this alone. We are God's children. We need to hear and read the words of our Father. Those words with be our guiding light through today's darkness. This too shall pass, but only by His way. 

My Dad

I'm sad tonight. The last 3 days have been awfully rough on my father and I think that it's finally catching up to me.

It started with a phone call from my mother a few nights ago while my wife and I were falling asleep. She told me that Dad hadn't been making sense all day and said that he'd been pointing to the ceiling at something that "flew". Words maybe, or random thoughts. It was enough for her to call an ambulance and ask another favor of her EMT neighbor to come over and see what's up.

I called my Mom back and things weren't good with my father. He couldn't focus and wasn't able to answer the most basic questions. On the phone I heard, "Bill, look at me. Look at me." Then the seizure started. The phone went silent as my mother and her neighbor lowered him to the floor where he stayed until the shaking stopped.

My Dad has been suffering with dementia for four years now, and it has finally gotten to the point that the destruction of his brain is beginning to knock on vital areas, causing him to blur and twitch.

I went to the hospital after work to be with him. He wasn't the man I knew. He was helpless. The man that I have worshiped all my life was having trouble understanding where he was and what had happened. "You've had a seizure, Dad." "What's a seizure?" he'd say each time I told him.

I held his hand as he slipped in and out of sleep. The lorazapam that the doctor gave him to calm him down was still hanging on in his system and he was having trouble shaking it, so he was asleep more than he was awake. I prayed as I looked at him, and the more I looked at him, the more the memories flooded my mind.

I remembered when he used to take me to his office in Boston for the day. I'd get dressed up in my nice shirt and khakis. Dad would be in his business suit. We'd walk down the  street and he would say hi to all of his friends. I'd be trotting beside him trying to keep up. I'd get so frustrated because I felt that I could never be as big as he was. I could never be as strong.

But now I held his old hand, bruised from the IV, and cradled it like I was holding a little tiny child. How could time have done this? What would I do without him?

The hospital released Dad the next day - yesterday - because he didn't have anything physically wrong with him. CT scans and heart monitors showed nothing unexpected, so he was discharged. He insisted on sleeping in his own bed last night on the second floor. My Mom and my brother barricaded the top of the stairs with a table to keep him there, but in the morning he stepped over the table and fell down the stairs. He's back in the hospital now for at least three days with cuts, bruises and a hematoma on his brain from when he hit the wall.

One time when I was in my early teens I went for a walk with him. His business had fallen apart and the debt was piling up. He put his arm around me and told me that he was having a hard time, and asked that I try to understand if he seemed a little lost. I did everything I could to be with him and help him. I knew that it was now my time to help him, after all the years that he had guided me.

Tonight I pray, "My Lord my Father, please hold my hand and tell me what I can do to help my Dad. How can I be there for him as he has always been there for me? Holy God, hold his head in your hands and fill him with peace. Let him know that he is deeply loved and cherished. In the name of Jesus Christ my Lord I pray. Amen."

Fragile

I’ve tried to live a good life. An honest life. I’ve always tried to be a good example for everyone around me, which is very, very hard. But, it used to be a lot harder because I was trying to be a good example for all the wrong reasons. I was following a path that was bound to lead me right off a cliff. I just didn’t know when.

When you work as hard as I did, first you find yourself yielding for others, just to keep things smooth – not to rock the boat. It doesn’t feel like it’s a burden because what you are doing doesn’t seem like it’s a big sacrifice. It’s just bending and dodging to keep everyone happy. It almost feels natural, if you have a high tolerance for demands being placed on you. But, after a while you realize that the gears are starting to grind and it’s not that easy to keep it up. It weighs on you and starts to change everything that you knew to be real.

You read earlier that I grew up in a goofy household. It’s true. But we were also experts at smoothing things over and pretending things were OK. We didn’t allow the ghosts to come out of the closet and wreck the image that we were trying so hard to maintain. See, I’m the oldest of five kids. Actually, I should say that I’m the oldest son, William Channing Swan, Jr. I was the mainstay of my generation, and became my dad’s right hand man when it came to the complex cover-up.

There’s no sense in pointing fingers, but worth it to say that the list of maladies is long, involving every member of my family to one degree or another. All of the impairments were emotional, which required particular skill to hide. But, we were exceptionally good. Being that good a cover-up artist became a badge of honor I wore proudly well into my adulthood. I was strong and I didn’t falter. I always held it together, or so I thought.

The spring before I turned 30, I got married to someone who was also an expert. Her skill was concealing alcoholism in her family and an emotionally distant father and mother. Still, she grew up chipper and upbeat. She’s still that way today. Her talent at being a cover-up artist far exceeded mine because she not only did the job well; she smiled and laughed her way through all of it! It was astounding.

Our marriage lasted for 17 years before the door that shut out all the pain and dysfunction started to come off its hinges. I made the first move to separate and the anger that she held inside of her burst all over everyone she came in contact with, including my three sons. I became the hated one, something that I had fought not to have happen all my life. Not only was I hated by her, I was held in distain by her friends, some of my friends, some of my own family, and my children.

I’ll never forget her telling them that “Daddy left us”. It has taken me years to rebuild my relationship with my sons. Even though I have been with them every week, every month and every year, there is still a hole in my relationships with them. Sometimes I don’t know what to do, other than keep on being there and keep on trying.

But, you know me now. I am happier than I ever thought possible. My wife and I celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary last week and I am a different person. She breathed new life into me. I know that God put her in front me and healed me through her. I could never have known that through such deep sadness could bloom such a deep love.

I wish that I could tell you that life is fragile, so watch out and be careful. I thought that I was careful. I thought that I had ever angle covered. What I realized is that life is really about being honest, not careful. Honesty is the mortar for the foundation that we stand on. Sometimes honesty causes conflict, but it’s better than the magnitude of the damage that is done when a life of hiding things blows up. It takes much longer to rebuild, with a lot more pain and a lot more heartache.

So don’t wait. If someone or something is bothering you, let them know. If you are filled with a boundless love, let them know. God willing, you will always step on solid ground and your spirit will soar!

Claiming Victory!

Brain surgery is a complicated thing. You know the saying, "well, it isn't brain surgery!" In my case it was! It was brain surgery to remove a brain tumor, a craniopharyngioma - a benign brain tumor that my surgeon believed could have been in my head since I was born, growing slowly over the years. Finally, the headaches and spots in my vision got intolerable in 2005 and after three or four different doctors, I was diagnosed by an vision specialist.

When my wife and I met with my surgeon before the surgery, he discussed some of the potential risks of the surgery. Regrowth of the tumor because they couldn't get it all, ongoing headaches, carotid artery hemorrhage, blindness and other "morbidity". Morbidity. That didn't sound like something I could have when I was alive. I just means health issues that I will always have as a result of the tumor and/or the surgery.

I did a lot of praying before the surgery. I don't mean just saying a prayer. I mean sitting in prayer. The more time I spent in prayer, the more I knew that I would survive the surgery, and I knew it would be more than surviving. It would be victory! I would regain a life of joy and health. I didn't know how long it would take, but I knew I would be victorious.

Sitting in prayer allowed me to hear God's Word (read “Paying Attention”). I didn't just imagine that I would be fine through the surgery. I saw it. The Lord told me that it would happen. I was so steeped in the realization of victory that I was smiling going into surgical prep. I was peaceful. 

After six hours of surgery, I woke up in recovery. My wife (then fiancé - that's a story for later!) was there, with my parents and my brother and sister. I wasn't sick, I couldn't see well, but I could see! I couldn't move well, but I could move! My mind was telling me it was a miracle. It wasn't a miracle. It was God's work. God's will. Me - God's Will. 

But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.1 Corinthians 15:57

In the Doctor's Office

I spend too much time in doctors' offices. In fact, no matter how often I go to doctors' offices, I feel that I go too frequently. It's not like there's anything bad happening, or that I am going to have some uncomfortable procedure. It's just a sum of memories that I have, that we all have that makes me nervous.

I try to make the experience the best I can make it. I bring my own magazine or book. I go online on my phone. I close my eyes and think about what we're going to do over the weekend. Bringing your own things and your own thoughts helps to make the experience a normal part of life. Now, let's see what good articles are in my magazine!

Lucky Me

The title of this post is something I say to myself all the time. Why am I so lucky? Because I get to wake up and get out of bed every morning in my house and get into my car and go to work. At the end of the day, I get to come home and be with my wife and our beagle, Tucker. On the weekends I rake leaves and do laundry. Sometimes I go food shopping.

On Fridays, I drive 40 miles from work to pick up my son and bring him to our house which is an hour away from there. I clean up the dishes on Saturday mornings and take my son to band practice in Boston. I go in to pick him up after he's done at 7pm and take him home. 

Sometimes I lose sleep, but mostly I get sleep. I take a lot of medications for my pituitary issues which I have to swallow, inject, refill, refrigerate, store, update and remember! I have extra weight that I'm trying to lose. We have a house that needs some new repair every couple of months. We have a lot of debt from when I was sick and unemployed. I work on commission, so it's hard to budget.

Oh, the misery!

No. Oh, the grace! I am blessed in every step, in every mile I drive, in every leaf I rake, in every dish I clean. Why? Because I can do all of those things. I CAN do them! I don't have to rely on someone to help me because I can't do things. Think about it that way. What a blessing that my hands work, that I have eyes to see, ears to hear. How lucky I am to have two legs that can take me wherever I want to go. How lucky I am to have a mind that allows me to be thankful.

I can move, see, hear, speak. What else do I need? How about you? Can you thank God for your wholeness? Thank God I'm here!

I am the 100%

I have to say that I have been torn over the last several weeks. You know how strongly I feel about the power that we all hold inside us, but the last month or so has been filled with imagery of the powerless. The mass statement by the victims of the most recent recession speaking out as the 99%.

I'm stunned every time I hear those chants, "we are the 99%, We are the 99%!" Ninety-nine percent! That's just one percent short of everybody, but the 99% feel victimized. How can that be?

It can be because is always has been. ALWAYS has been. For centuries, inequality has reigned in our country, and before that, in England, and Rome, and Greece. There has always been the dominant one percent, and the less fortunate ninety-nine percent. In fact, now, as the recession draws to a close we hear about how the one percent has become even more dominant, on taxpayers' money. The money from the 99%.

It's almost hard to imagine. How could so few people dominate a culture? What about them perpetuates that power? Well, all of us do. We vote them into office. We ask them to manage our money. We buy their products. We push the one percent higher and higher into the stratosphere of our world so that they can make more and more and more.

I'll tell you why I have been so torn. I am one of the 1%, Or, maybe one of the 5%, but still, I am surrounded by the one percenters and I see it, but I don't believe it. I see the ease with which the money flows. Effort that is no more than someone that works in a grocery store produces hundreds of thousands of dollars! How vastly unfair it is! But, how amazing it is that it has gone on for so long in this country, and around the world.

I am the 100%. I'm not saying that because it makes me feel special. It makes me feel out of place and strange. I have achieved success in my life, but I want to walk out of my office and march. I want to promote that values of the 99%, and I want the 99% to have more of what I have been blessed to have.

For this one, I don't have an answer. If anything, I need answers to the injustice in this country. Sure, I could go on about the rampant greed in people that I see most days of my life. I could be disgusted by the financial hoarding that drove our economy into near ruin. All that I know to do is be a good person. To show everyone around me that it is us as a 100% that will heal this world. "We are the 100%, we are the 100%!"

Being Goofy

I grew up in a goofy family. We all did silly things like laughing so hard that we'd cough, dancing in the middle of the kitchen, telling jokes at the Thanksgiving table, standard things like that. There are seven of us, my parents and five kids, so things could get out of control pretty quickly. All that my dad could do was sit back and giggle.

We'd tell my father that it was all his fault because he fathered us all. But, really is was my mom's family that was the carrier of the goofy gene. and we all got it in spades! It started with my grandfather, Pops. We used to all meet at my grandparents house on Christmas Day and my grandfather used to do the funniest things and loved to laugh at himself. He'd laugh so hard that no sound came out of his mouth and all it was was a convulsed, silent smile.

My mom, a goofy gene carrier, has always loved pets. When we were growing up there was a vast assortment of "pets" at our house. At one time we had two dogs, a cat, a dozen chickens, two horses, raccoons and a goat. My dad, not a goofy gene carrier, would just shrug his shoulders and smile. But, I think that coming home and finding the goat standing on the kitchen table pushed him over the edge!

You have to ask yourself now that we are all grown up, "am I still goofy enough?" In other words, have I lost the wonderment of letting myself let loose and having fun? Allowing ourselves to play and laugh opens up some of the curiosity that we had when we were children. Looking at something and laughing out loud. Having a tickle fight with your husband, wife or partner in public. Dancing around wherever you want to.

I'll bet that if you let your guard down from time to time, it would open up a whole new world to explore, just like when you were young. Wouldn't that be great? Imagine what you could see! So, let the world see you staring at a flower and thinking how beautiful it is. Goofy is good!

The Professors

When I was diagnosed with my brain tumor and knew that I had surgery, radiation, and many other challenges in front of me, I unabashedly sought prayer from all those that knew and loved me. I knew that I had a mighty battle in front of me and I needed all of the strength that I could muster.

I used to work for a woman who was a born-again Christian. She had had a difficult life through her teens and twenties, and she decided to give herself to God to find salvation from all that she had done. She was renowned in the industry that I worked in as being a person who was very difficult to work with – mean and nasty. I have known people of faith like that who are so determined to succeed for God that they lose track of their environment and the people that occupy it with them.

I decided to take a chance and work for her. Her company focused on fundraising for the Christian market, and I knew that was something that would interest me. She and I made a good team when working with clients and helping them with their goals. I came to believe that she was a soldier of God, dutifully working for Him here on earth. When I was diagnosed with my tumor, she and others prayed over me before my surgery. She spread the word of my need for prayer all over the world (literally) and between the people that she contacted and my family, I had a chorus of prayer claiming my victory over my illness.

My surgery was a longer procedure than even the surgeons expected. It took 8 hours for my neurosurgeon to remove as much of the tumor as he could without touching my optic nerve or a major artery running through my brain. All in all, the surgery was a success but my recovery would be long; much longer than I expected.

When I was able to go home, I was not capable of doing much more than sitting and sleeping. I never knew such a feeling of helplessness in my adult life. Soon after I got home, I started to get a bad feeling about my work. Shortly before I became sick my boss and her husband (her business partner at the time) decided to eliminate any short or long-term disability for the employees – to save money. I didn’t think of it at the time and went on with my work, though I was having painful headaches and problems with my vision. I figured that they were migraines from a stressful job. Obviously it was not that.

Shortly after I got home from the hospital, my boss and her husband fired me because they couldn’t afford to keep me on if I wasn’t working. I was left unable to work, or to look for a job, and barely able to move for that matter! Soon she started blaming me for not saving a piece of business that she had ruined before I left, saying that the reclaiming of the business would have saved my job.

I was devastated. Not even so much by being placed in a position of not being able to pay my bills, but more by the betrayal by someone that I thought was a good and decent person. I had been lured into her company and then discarded when I was no longer considered worth keeping. It was a horrible feeling to have someone who professed to be a woman of God be so hollow inside, and bereft of morals and feelings.

I felt this pain of betrayal for years. In my desperation, I ended up going back to work for her after I recovered and she could afford to hire me again. After a year or so another company bought her company and I was promoted to work for the parent company, but I still worked on new business with her. After a while we sold two large accounts. I was thrilled because the commission payments that I got from this new business helped my wife and me to start paying down some of the debt we had accumulated while I was sick and out of work.

Well, these “good times” lasted for only six months. She had mismanaged both of these accounts and they both fired my company. She however refused to take any blame for this. She blamed all of the poor management on the president of my company and me, hoping to convince these companies to stay with her. Long story shot, the companies that used to be my clients both went with her when she started another company, after my company closed her company. Her mismanagement caused five people to lose their jobs, and caused me to lose 60% of my income.

I couldn’t understand why God would allow me to be hurt by her again and again. It wasn’t until I spoke with my mentor that I finally understood His reasoning. God knows that I love and have loved Him through everything that I have gone through in my life. I have always asked Him what He intends for me to do and be in my life, on my journey. My mentor told me that God intentionally placed me with this woman. He wanted me to experience first hand a professor, not a doer of faith. He wanted me to understand everything about what a professor of faith looks like. He wanted me to experience that hollow soul first hand for one reason – so that I could tell this story.

So, beware the professor! If you love God, stay away from people who profess their love of God with their words, and betray this love with their actions. The professors are scattered among us, serving themselves more than the Lord. Keep your wits about you always and stay clear of those who aim to do you harm. Keep close to our God. He will show you who can and can’t be trusted.

There's Really Only One Word

Winter snuck up on me this year. I think it was because we took a trip to Italy this fall, and it scrambled up my fix on the seasons. I keep thinking that it's early fall, but in reality we are just days away from Thanksgiving. That's not early fall anymore!

The way that I really know that it is approaching Thanksgiving and Christmas is that I begin to feel a sense of gratitude in the air. It's distinctly different than the exhilaration of summer, when we are filled with adventure and celebration of the warmth and lazy pace of life. It isn't like the stale feelings of the winter doldrums that we feel in January and February either. It's really just a deep appreciation - peaceful and happy.

At Thanksgiving, we all focus on what we are grateful for. At Christmas we enjoy the company of family and friends and celebrate a holiday filled with cheer and merriment. But when you think about what we are really doing this time of year, there's really only one answer. We are loving.

I challenge you to think differently! We gather with our families because we love them. We celebrate the joys of Christmas and give gifts as a statement of love. We pray to our Lord Jesus because we love Him.

Jesus is the model for love. He is the definition of love. More so, He is love. You know John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

How can we even relate to the depth of that love? Could we give up our only child for love? Our Lord did. Why? Because He is in love with us. Little us! How can we ever return that love? By loving each other. That's what that feeling is this time of year. It's like falling in love all over again.

My wife's family and I all say "I love you" every time we speak. God says that to all of us every day in how he surrounds us with beauty, family, food, fortune and friends. All that you have to do to thank Him for all these blessings is to love Him back. God is love. We are formed in God's image, so we are love. Pass it around!

Busy, Busy, Busy!

I only have a few minutes to write this post. You see, I'm in the middle of a big project right now that is demanding all of my time and I can spend much time away from it.

Does my situation sound familiar to you? Well, I found a quick fix that you might like.

I was driving home last night and I found myself using some very easy and effective relaxation techniques that work really well when you are up against a deadline and are getting stressed about it. The interesting part of it is that sometimes you don't realize you are stressed out until you get a headache, or your neck hurts, sometimes even your hands can start hurting is you are a person that clenches their hands.

I wrote an entry at the end of last month called "Paying Attention". In it I talked about going to your breath to find calm. If you think about your breath when you are in the middle of a stressful situation, you're apt to find that you are breathing shallow or halted breaths. Just this alone can make a stressful situation worse. Try the process that I describe below. You can do it anywhere - at a desk, while you're driving, walking, washing dishes. Anything.

Breathe through your nose for 15 seconds and focus on your breath. With your mouth closed, separate your top and bottom teeth and let your bottom jaw drop open. You'll find that this automatically opens your nasal passages more. You will take three deep breaths using some visualization techniques. Imagine that the air that you take in is cool and rich with oxygen. Think of it as a precious resource that you want to savor.

First, breathe the air deep into your abdomen, and then into your lungs until you can't breathe any deeper. Don't hold your breath. Let the air out through your mouth and imagine that this air is carrying a mist of stress out of your body and away from you. Repeat this twice to total three breaths.

In the thick of a pressured situation, this quick practice can help you to relax and get a fresh perspective.

Now, back to work!

Footprints

When you think about someone who you consider successful, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it a person who started a company and grew it to be a source of income for years? Or, is it a person that helped their children to grow to be successful and happy? Or, is it someone who helped a community to thrive, while sacrificing any gain for themselves?

There is no one way to be successful. We all leave footprints, it's just a choice between leaving footprints that are a positive path to follow, or using your feet to step on others as you selfishly make your way toward your goals. How can we tell the difference? It's sometimes hard to see.

A business leader who is known for their brutal management style may be looked upon as a bad person by their colleagues. but the reason that they behave the way they do at work is so they can make sure, as a single parent, their children have a shot at success themselves. Someone who appears shy and withdrawn may be considered an underachiever, but in fact is a brilliant thinker who doesn't always know what to say in a conversation.

We all leave footprints, it's just a choice between leaving footprints that are a positive path to follow, or using your feet to step on others...

It really comes down to how any person can answer this question - am I on God's path or am I on the Enemy's path? We can answer that question for ourselves because God is in each one of us, in the same way the Enemy is constantly challenging us. What is true is that the less we focus on God, the more vulnerable we are to the influences of the Enemy, to the point where we are consumed by him and walk mindlessly on his path.

If you are a stern person that is perceived as mean and unapproachable, that's OK if you have God in your heart and you are building a positive foundation for those that follow you. But, if you are angry and withdrawn because you have let your faith go and the Enemy occupies your soul, then you are no good to anyone because all you will leave behind is a trail of poison. 

As you read this, what is your heart telling you? Have you cultivated your faith to the point that it illuminates your path, or have you lost your way? If you allow yourself to think deeply about this, you will either find yourself in prayer, or you will see an empty hole in front of you. The weaker your faith, the bigger the hole. What good it that to anyone, including yourself?

No matter where you are in your life, it is never too late to build a lasting, positive legacy. Just ask Him how to start.

The Craftsman

My father-in-law plays a vintage accordian. Over the years, the instrument had gotten a bit out of tune, with squeaks here and there when there should have been silence, or a more pleasing sound.

I am embaressed to say it but we said at least 5 years ago that we would get the accordian repaired, but we made the mistake of putting it in a closet and sadly it was forgotten. I know that my wife's father is too sweet to remind us that we had been hanging on to his accordian forever, so the poor thing sat in the darkness for years. Until two days ago when I saw someone playing the accordian and remembered that we had it.

I got online and found the Accordian Connection in New Hampshire that has testimonials from people all over the country. The shop was 1 1/2 hours from where we live, but I had a feeling that it would be worth the trip. We left this afternoon and got there at around 3pm. The shop was empty when we got inside. We were surrounded by vintage accordiams on one side and new ones on the other. There we pictures everywhere of accordian virtuosos. We knew that we were in the right place!

Arthur Welch has run the Accordian Connection since 1957 when he graduated from high school, and when he came into the showroom to greet us, I had a good feeling we were in for a treat. He looked over the accordian and told us what he thought, stuck keys, out of tune reeds. He shook his head in the way that only a true professional can. We knew that even though the bill might be a big one that he would take care of us.

While we were there, he told us stories about accordians that he had repaired, people that he had met, places that he had played. While I listened to him I started realizing I was talking with a person who had done one thing, with one business for 54 years! All of a sudden I found myself in awe of him. He was the best at what he did. He took orders from all over the world, including Iceland!

In so many ways I wished that I had the understanding of what I wanted to do for my career at such a young age. But, that wasn't the path that God set me on. He needed me to walk a more complicated path. One that has caused many bumps and bruises, but at the same time one with loads of experiences from many different places.

How can you know what's best for you? Will you settle into a career that you will retire from, or set out on a professional journey that will take you here, there and everywhere? No matter what happens, when you have been at it for 54 years, you'll be able to tell wonderful stories that make those that you are with smile and walk away happier than they were before they met you. So, keep at it!

Building Memories

What do you get out of your life?

Now there's a loaded question! That's why I left it up there on its own line. Living is a sum of days, of hours and minutes. So, maybe I should say, what so you get out of every day, every hour, every minute? If you're part of the go, go, go culture like I am, you're probably freaking out right now! You're asking youself "how can I get the most of every minute of every day"?

Well, that's not the point.

If we run around and do stuff all the time, what happens? We miss the things that add meaning to our lives! Think about it. What do you treasure most in your memory? Is it pushing through a day, or is it the times when you have stopped and looked at what is right in front of you?

I'll give you some examples from my own life. See if you can think of some of your own. Listening to one of my sons talk. Looking at my wife's beautiful smile. Watching my beagle chase after a squirrel. Seeing the trees sway with the wind. Did some images pop into your mind of times like these that you have had? Think of what you were doing at the time. You were allowing yourself to slow down, even for a moment, to make a wonderful memory.

I love talking to my parents because now in their senior years, much of what they like to talk about are memories. Times with us kids, time with friends. Now, if you think about it, many of those memories came from fleeting experiences - 60 years ago! What will your bank of memories be? If we don't pay attention, we won't have much of a bank at all.

I'm not saying that we need to go on vacation to have these things happen, though vacation is nice! We just need to live every day mindfully. "Stop and smell the roses"! You've heard that saying all your life, but I'm say yes - STOP, and smell the roses! Build in a way to pause for moments throughout your day and allow yourself to just "be". Let you mind be like a sponge and take in the beauty that is all around you. Even in the middle of an office or a parking lot, you will find beauty. Honestly.

I follow a great blog called DailyOM. They had a good one today that was the inspiration for this story. Check it out here: http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2011/30826.html. You can find the poem  Take Time to ... by Jeanette Cooper on it's own page on this site.

Seeing Life’s Miracles

My wife and I live in a small town not far outside of Boston. The other day I was thinking back to a cool day at the end of May, but everything was in bloom, the lawns were a beautiful green, and everyone had a smile on their face. And why not? The land was coming alive, and so were we weary New Englanders after a too-long and too-cold winter. I knew that many in the northern parts of the country were still in the waning days of the winter doldrums, but they were the waning days! Soon the hearty people of North Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin enjoyed their spring too.

Now that winter is again pressing forward in New England, I look forward to another change in the seasons, and all of the joy it brings with family and faith.

Something that I have come to realize from meeting people all over this beautiful country is that we all are grateful for what we have for the most part – some more than others. Certainly there is plenty to complain about within our day to day lives: the driveway needs to be plowed; the lawn needs to be mowed; the garden needs to be weeded. But, if I allow myself to be in the moment of the snowstorm, or of the tall grass, I can still see the miracles that God brings to all of us every day.

God’s intention for us is to inspire us to do the very best that we can for Him every day. Many of you will look at this statement and think that it’s not true. Some will question and say, “If God’s will is for His people to thrive, then why did He flood my fields and distroy my crops?”, or “Why did He give me so much debt?” In reality, He didn’t do any of that to any one of us. His interest is in our success and in our salvation. Why would He do these things to us?

Many of you may disagree with me on this point. That’s OK, and I’d like to hear your thoughts. God has worked hard to make us responsible in His Word. He wants us to go forth, multiply, and take dominion over this earth and the animals that occupy it with us. But we have decided to walk away from His path and form our own way. Sadly, many of these choices have been poorly planned and not well mapped. When we start believing that our human ways are fine on their own, without God’s careful guidance, we can get ourselves into trouble. Sometimes big trouble.

Yes, there are bound to be floods when we build farms and houses close to rivers, knowing that we are taking a chance that the river may rise and distroy our property. Also, God didn’t give us credit cards and tell us to spend beyond our means. We chose to do that.

What I’m trying to say is that these are human problems, not God problems. Certainly there are those of us that are well-meaning in all that we do and bad things happen to us. I know this feeling myself. Five years ago I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, had a difficult surgery and two follow-up surgeries, lost part of my eyesight and all of my pituitary functioning. I have to take all kinds of pills and injections for the rest of my life, but I never blamed God. I pleaded to him sometimes, but never blamed Him. If anything, it taught me to look for life’s miracles and celebrate then as much as I can.

So, when you set out to blame our Lord for something in your life, just stop for a bit and think – why then would Jesus have died for us and our sins on the cross? God has a passionate love for us – greater than any love. It is not His will for us to suffer in any way.

As you work through something that has ruined you, or crippled you, look still for your purpose and your blessing and continue to serve Him. We are in His image. Be wounded and strong. See beauty in all that surrounds us.